He is still Good

English and writing have always been my passion since before I could even write sentences. (Queue back story of 3 year old Tina writing plays to perform for her mom). It's been a long time, years probably, since the last time I sat down to write something that wasn't for a school assignment or a Facebook status.

God has been doing some amazing things in my life over the past few weeks. I'd like to say they're huge life changing things, but honestly I think God likes working slowly in my life. He works in just the right amount of increments it takes to get His point across to me. Even if it means repeating the same few words every day for months until I am finally broken and return to Him with many many stumbling blocks upon my return.

Today I had an odd change in my perspective. Well the change wasn't odd but the way it came was.

For those reading (if any) who may not know, I am a college student on my way to earning my Web Development certificate after already earning my Associates in Arts and changing my mind about earning my bachelors' in Graphic Design. I stopped by school today after dropping my mom off at her 8am class. (Servants of the devil must have thought 8am classes were a good idea. Just saying.) I needed to go to the library to see if they had the text book for my class that I need to get my first week's work done; due tomorrow mind you. They didn't have the book so I unfortunately had to head to the school store to buy my own copy. I had been regretting doing so because the price of this dumb book is $70. I stopped by the financial aid office to see if my Bright Futures or Pell Grant were awarded to me yet. When I was there the kind lady at the office informed me that I was on financial suspension for having too many credit hours.

Too. Many. Credit. Hours.

There's even such a thing? She gave me a form to fill out to appeal the suspension but unfortunately I have to get a letter and a few other documents together before I can even turn it in. I graciously accepted the form and grudgingly walked back to the school store to pay for the book with my hard earned paycheck.

After getting the book I threw it in my car, slammed the door, and started driving home. Every inch my body was tense and filled was frustrated pain. I wanted more than anything to just spend the day complaining and groaning about my lack of fortune, quite literally. Then there was that voice again. That ever so small voice prodding at my hardened heart. All it's been saying to me over everything screaming for my attention and emotion is, "I am still God and I am still good."

Ouch. Strike one.

I nearly had to pull over at the tears that threatened to fill my eyes as the guilt poured out of me. I have been spending all my time thinking about how to make my life better and how everything seems to go wrong. Meanwhile God has been there all along filling every need I have ever had. There's food in my kitchen, gas in my car, and I even had just enough money in my bank account to pay for my book with a tiny amount leftover. God has blessed me with two amazing jobs and the chance to get an education when there would have been no way my parents could afford to send me. I didn't even have to pay for my classes because of a scholarship I was blessed with when I was barely a freshman in high school! God is so good and here I am complaining about the fact that I had to pay with my own money for a text book that I couldn't get cheaper anywhere else because it was written by a professor at my school. (Although that part is a dumb).

But that's not even the best part. Remember how I said earlier how God tends to need to repeat things to me? He also has this perfect timing that takes an already throbbing heart and shatters it open until I'm in my room trying not to sob so I don't alarm my dad. I follow along with this blog called SheReadsTruth that is a group of wonderful ladies that share basically devotional studies they have written after studying through certain books of the bible. Without cheating, you'll never guess what book we're going through right now. Hosea. If you haven't read Hosea yet, I highly recommend it but also warn you that you'll see your own sinful nature when reading it with an open heart. The title of today's blog post: "We will be us, He will be good."

Strike two.

I of course was reading through my devo after I had arrived home because I was too stubborn to wake up any earlier than needed to make time for it this morning. Prepare yourself for a big block quote because it's so good I couldn't shorten it any more than this. This is about Hosea 7:1-16.

"In the out-of-control, hot mess that Ephraim has become—while the people of Israel are so crazed with self-indulgence that they can hardly tell what day it is—I can’t help but stand back a bit and notice that in all of Israel’s wayward mindlessness, going to Egypt and Assyria and every which way, God hasn’t changed.

...

Israel is two-faced. Double-tongued.

But God—if we turn our attention off of the squeaky wheel for a moment, if we tune out all the noisy noise, we’ll notice—God hasn’t changed.

One face. One tongue. One undying, unrelenting love for His Bride.

We want this passage to be about the rogue Bride, or the prodigal son and how they just can’t seem to get it right. But it’s not. It’s about God.

... 

Maybe you don’t need me to spell it out for you today, Sisters, but maybe you do: YOU are His one, true love. Wherever you are, whatever you've done, whatever anyone else thinks of you, and however long it’s been since the last time you really just called Him your Groom—He hasn’t changed.

He wants to give you good things. He wants you to delight in Him, to come to Him to supply your needs, to come to Him when you are lonely or happy or angry. He wants relationship, and He wants it with YOU!" (Raechel Myers in #SheReadsTruth, Hosea)

 Strike three, I'm out.

I am so sorry, God, for putting all these things in the way of my praising You. I'm sorry I tend to forget about You when my life is going well and then complain to You when things start heading south because I've been trying to do it all on my own. I am sorry I've ever doubted that You are still good. Because You are. It's in Your being to be good and to love me, Your daughter. I love you God, not as much as I should. I can't even love You without Your help. Teach me to love You once again. Show me Your character and let the praise flow from my lips. Thank You for never giving up on me. For not letting my hardened heart take over my life and become my ruin. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

"Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:3